A CHIP IN HIS SHOULDER

"MODERN TIMES"

Lloyd Garver

Doctors who experiment on themselves have long been a staple of literature and movies. "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde" is probably the most famous example. Recently, a Dr. Richard Seelig injected something into himself that is probably more appropriate in this era than any magic potion. He put computer chips inside his body.

No, his head didn't turn into a monitor, he can't add as fast as a Pentium IV, and he doesn't crash whenever he's needed most. Seelig, a surgeon who works for Applied Digital in New Jersey, put one chip in his left forearm and another in his right leg. The chips are electronic IDs, and can be read by scanners much like a bar code. The good news is he never has to worry about losing his wallet again.

Seelig is not the first scientist to do this kind of thing. English cyberneticist Kevin Warwick implanted an electronic transmitter above his left elbow a few years ago. With the transmitter in his body, Warwick was able to open the electronically locked door to his office, and then switch on the lights. So, this guy no longer has to worry about carrying his keys around. I'm always misplacing my glasses, but I guess it doesn't really make sense to have them imbedded inside my arm.

Champions of the chip point out that identity theft is the fastest-growing crime today. They feel the implanted chip would stop people pretending to be other people, so we should all embrace this technology. I'm not so sure. Right now, if someone stole my wallet and credit cards, it would be a nuisance, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. But if somebody stole them from inside my arm, I'd be screaming about it.

One of the projected uses of these implants is to put information on them that would be helpful in an emergency -- blood type, allergies, doctor's name, etc. That doesn't sound like a bad thing. Another use is to implant tracking devices so if an elderly person or a young child wanders away, it will be easy to track him down. This is already being done to help farmers keep tabs on their livestock. It gives a whole new meaning to "cow chips."

The only thing is, people aren't cattle. Civil libertarians worry that the government will use these devices so they can always know where each of us is. There are other potential problems as well. Will jealous people insist that their spouses get these implants so they can keep track of them? Will this put an end to movies about amnesia? Today, I can't catch a computer virus, but once these things are in people's bodies, who knows? And do we really want to know what our children are up to 24 hours a day?

We just celebrated Valentines Day. If I had one of these chips in me, my wife would've known exactly what her Valentines Day present was going to be hours ahead of time when I bought it. She would've known that I shopped in the mall for it after driving right past several fancy stores, and that I got lost when I was daydreaming while driving. Right now, she just assumes that I got lost.

But my main objection is that these scientists are ignoring one of childhood's most important developmental activities. If this thing really catches on, it will be a sad day for kids all over the world. From that moment on, there will never be a reason for anyone to ever play hide-and-seek again. That's too big a price to pay for progress.