The Gold Standard

"MODERN TIMES"

THE GOLD STANDARD

Lloyd Garver

Why was anybody surprised by the gold medal skating controversy last week? Ice skating has always been a dirty business. Judges cheat, partners divorce each other for minor mistakes, and skaters and their cohorts smash competitors' knees. It might even be sleazier than boxing. Mike Tyson and Don King have shunned it. If you think I'm wrong, just tell me the last time you saw either of them on the ice.

I'm confused about my feelings in the whole matter. I know, I know. Both the Russians and the Canadians got gold medals in a resolution that said, "now everybody can be happy." That's one of the confusing parts. In sports, there is usually a winner and a loser, and everybody is not happy.

As much as I feel that David Pelletier and Jamie Sale were originally treated unjustly, they weren't the first people in sports to be wronged. People cheat and bad calls are made all the time. The United States lost a basketball game to Russia it should have won, Roy Jones lost a boxing match to a Korean that he had obviously beaten, and I had a touchdown taken away from me by the other team who lied and said I hadn't crossed the imaginary line between the fire plug and the manhole cover. The phrase, "We wuz robbed" is an important part of sports litany. If we "make everybody happy," what will sports fans have to argue about?

I don't feel the decision to give them the gold medal was necessarily wrong. I just wish it had come about because skating officials were outraged, rather than because the media and viewers were outraged. NBC shouldn't determine who gets medals and who doesn't. They should concentrate more on things like why Joey on "Friends" is dumb sometimes but smart other times.

The skating controversy was the lead item on the news all week. The Canadians were on the covers of "Time" and "Newsweek." They became huge celebrities. They were on television more than shows that strap people into chairs and ask them questions like, "What was George Washington's first name?"

Even the prestigious "New York Times" got caught up in the frenzy. The announcement that the Canadians would be given the second gold medal was on the front page the same day that the announcement that President Bush had decided to send seventy thousand tons of nuclear waste to Nevada was on page 11. Maybe the "Times" can be forgiven because the nuclear material will be considered dangerous for only 10,000 years.

So, the most interesting thing about this thing is why did we all care so much? To me, the answer is obvious. These have been difficult times. We've been faced with very bad news for months and months. I think we all just jumped on the chance to focus our outrage on something a little less important. If we were angry about ice skating for a week, maybe it took our minds off being angry about September 11th or Enron. It was a nice break for all of us.

But what about the precedent? Have we now decided that when there is a contest whose outcome is in doubt, both sides should be declared winners? Was this Solomon-like wisdom or just a quick fix compromise? I'm not sure. But I am sure of this. If it happened two years ago and had we been consistent ever since then, right now we would have two Co-Presidents of the United States. And, believe me, their moves would be a lot more complicated than a double axel salchow toe-loop.