PRECONVENTION POLL

"MODERN TIMES"

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION?

Lloyd Garver

Tired of those polls that don't ask the questions you want to ask? Suspicious of conflicting results of some surveys? During this lull between the two political conventions, I thought it would be a good time to take another Garver Poll on Presidential Politics.

As usual, as opposed to real polls, there is no science involved and the answers should not be taken any more seriously than the questions. However, I promise that I will read all your responses, and I will post the results on this site. With a nod towards my boyhood Chicago, you may vote as many times as you want.

1. Would you rather have a President whose family is involved in:

A. __________Big oil?

B. __________Big Ketchup?

2. Whatever happened to John Edwards? I thought he was going to be the dynamic campaigner who would be in the news every day. We've hardly heard from him since the Convention. What do you think he's up to?

A. __________He's at the "undisclosed location" with Dick Cheney?

B. __________He's waiting to look older before he goes out in public again?

3. What would surprise you the most at the upcoming Republican convention?

A. __________Colin Powell telling us what he really thinks?

B. __________Dick Cheney saying, "Maybe there really aren't any Weapons of Mass Destruction over there?"

C. _____George Bush performing a gay wedding at the opening ceremony?

4. What would you most like to see happen at the debates?

A. __________President Bush insisting that Dick Cheney accompany him.

B. __________ The Bush twins debating Emma Claire and Jack Edwards.

C. __________Either candidate actually answering any question.

5.Which is most confusing to you?

A. __________The electoral college?

B. __________President Bush's position on stem cell research?

C. __________Why both sides spend so much time talking about how they're not going to talk about Kerry's military career?

D. __________Why Bill Clinton looks younger now than when he was President?

6. Which makes you angriest?

A. __________That George Bush has a really rich father?

B. __________That John Kerry has a really rich spouse?

C. __________That you don't have a rich spouse or a rich father?

7. What annoys you the most about President Bush?

A. __________The smirk?

B. __________The way he pronounces "nuclear?"

C. __________His perfect posture?

8. What annoys you the most about John Kerry?

A. __________His speaking voice?

B. __________His hair?

C. __________His height?

9. How can anyone still be undecided? What do you think "the undecideds" are waiting for before making up their minds?

A. __________They're hoping to finally find out where President Bush was when he was supposed to be with the National Guard?

B. __________They're wondering if Kerry's going to say, "All right. I only deserved two Purple Hearts, not three?"

C. __________If U.S. forces catch Osama Bin Laden, they want to know if Osama will say, "Bush is the man. The United States never would have found me if that war hero guy were President?"

10. What do you think would help get more young people to vote?

A. __________Have the candidates dress hipper?

B. __________Have the candidates rap their speeches?

C. __________Have better candidates to choose from?

11. Even though it could never happen, in your wildest political fantasy which would you like to see occur?

A. _________John Kerry accidentally slipping into perfect French as he addresses a campaign crowd in Ohio?

B. __________An investigation revealing that Ralph Nader has been a crook all these years?

C.__________President Bush saying, "Let's not count any state whose governor happens to be related to one of the candidates?"

D. __________Both sides being positive and refraining from bad-mouthing each other for the rest of the campaign?