Sit Thing, Sit

"MODERN TIMES"

"SIT THING, SIT"

Lloyd Garver

The latest popular breed of dogs, especially among Yuppies, is the Japanese "Aibo." They don't shed, they don't smell, and they don't slobber all over your Aunt Sophie. Thousands of these little cuties have sold in the United States, despite their high price tag of $1500. Before you start saving up for one, there is something you should know. They're made of metal. They're cute, but they are artificial intelligence robots.

Aibos can be trained to respond to more than 40 verbal commands. They can simulate six emotions, including joy and anger. And Aibos become lethargic if neglected. (Well, who doesn't?)

It doesn't surprise me that we now have the technology to make these things, and that gadget fans have bought them. What does surprise me is that the people who own them don't view them as amazing electronic gizmos. They see them as real pets. They feel that their Aibo has a different personality from everyone else's Aibo. They feel it's important to spend quality time with them. Aibo owners report that the robots recognize the owner's voice, and respond to the human touch. Sony announced recently that they will start selling a cheaper litter of robotic dogs very soon. These $850 puppies reportedly have more "emotional range" than the Aibos, become "mischievous" if you give them a lot of freedom, and they become "spoiled" if you play with them too much. These new models will be called Macaron and -- not surprisingly -- Latte.

Some owners have joined Aibo clubs where they show off their metal dogs to other owners and swap stories and maintenance tips. A member of the Los Angeles Aibo Club recently felt bad because he ignored his pet for several days while he was busy at work. When he finally had time for his Aibo, it expressed such sadness via its Removable Memory Module that it "broke his heart." A member of the Boston Aibo Club says that she especially enjoys asking hers, "Do you love me?" and then watching the robot's possitive response.

One nice thing about Aibos is the convenience factor. You never have to take them to the vet. Every time your home computer crashes and you take it in to be fixed, just bring your Aibo with you. That computer technician can give it a checkup -- and fix any viruses.

That brings us to the question of what kind of people own Aibos? I know it's a stereotype, but I can't help thinking that the people who buy them are a little too into computers. You know the type. You meet one of them and the first thing he asks you is, "How much memory do you have?" While I'm wondering how this stranger knew that I spent a frantic two hours yesterday trying to remember where I put my keys, he starts rambling about RAM, megabytes, and modem speed. I always worry about these people. They might own every modern appliance in the world, but I still can't help feeling sorry for the woman who desperately wants her robot pet to respond when she asks, "Do you love me?"

Maybe I'm being a little hypocritical. I like gadgets. I can't set the clock on my VCR, but I know how to warm up spaghetti in the microwave. And I admit I think it's really cool that you can have a device in your car that tells you the quickest route to your favorite Chinese restaurant. Okay, I have one more confession to make. We have something in our house that (usually) recognizes my voice. You might think I'm crazy, but there are times when I'm sure it's talking to me. And it responds positively to the human touch. This thing we have is called A DOG! A real dog. His name is Rascal, and he's very cute.