"MODERN TIMES"

"We All Need Some Air"

Lloyd Garver

The sixth annual Air Guitar World Championships were held in Oulu, Finland this past summer. Air Guitar is the practice of holding an imaginary guitar, and pretending to play it. We've all seen people do this. The players gyrate and grimace as if they are playing rock music on a real guitar.

It all sounds pretty silly, but it has caught on well enough for contestants from thousands of miles away to flock to Finland. Reporters from "Time" and the "Wall Street Journal" also came to the tournament. Contestants were judged on the basis of originality, charisma, and enthusiasm. Some of these make-believe musicians had roadies and groupies. When I first heard about this thing, I wondered if they sold Air CDs after the concert so fans could take them home and listen to the nothingness. Finland has a president, but if they had an Emperor, I figured he'd probably be walking down Main Street in his new set of clothes.

I got interested in this Air Guitar business because it sounded so goofy. It seemed like a perfect target to make fun of. But then I learned a little bit more about it. This year's winner is Zac Monroe, an architect from London. He said he entered the contest just for the fun of it, and obviously that is the point of the whole thing. There is also a whole Air Guitar ideology that suggests that all evil things disappear from the world whenever people play the Air Guitar.

The competition was held outdoors at night, and the judges and fans watched the performers play by firelight. That setting probably furthered the feelings of spiritualism. Under those circumstances, if the people in the audience squinted, or certainly if they closed their eyes, I'm sure it was as if their favorites were playing a real guitar.

It doesn't sound so bad, especially these days: People doing something because it's fun, and hoping that spirituality will rid the world of evil. After feeling guilty that I had wanted to make fun of it, I realized that I could apply what I learned here to another situation.

For the last few months, I have been among the many people who have wondered why Michael Jordan would want to make a comeback. Why at age 38 would he risk tarnishing the memory of his fantastic career? How could he possibly come up with a more dramatic ending? Then I listened to his answer. He's coming back for the same reason these people play Air Guitar. It's fun and he loves to play. What could be a better reason?

But I think there is something else he's not telling us. I came to this conclusion when I saw a headline the other day: "Air Jordan Returns." I smiled. That's the secret. It's not the real Michael Jordan who's coming back any more than those guys in Finland were playing real guitars. It's going to be Air Jordan.

The good news is, as always with Jordan, there is something bigger than sports going on. Just like those fans in Finland, when we sit in the darkened arena and watch him play, we will be overcome by a feeling of spiritualism. For those few hours, we may even feel that evil has disappeared from the world. And as we listen to the sound of the bouncing basketball, if we just squint, certainly if we close our eyes, we'll be able to see the real Michael Jordan.