"MODERN
TIMES"
YOUR OPINION COUNTS HERE
By
Lloyd Garver
It's time for me to share some of the emails that readers have sent me over the past few months. I'm always amazed how the same column can generate opposite reactions. "You're a genius," and "You're an idiot" have often been responses to the same words. And sometimes neither of those extreme responses was from a member of my family.
In response to THEY'RE BA'AAACK, a discussion of college kids moving back home:
JOANN wrote: "Let them be kids as long as they can get away with it. To quote an old friend, ' Adulthood is the biggest disappointment of my life.'"
After my column on the Democratic ticket, "TWO JOHNS, NO WAITING," I received:
CELLO… wrote: "The heading of your article, "Two Johns, No Waiting" is highly offensive and a transparent partisan attack. You don't fool anyone."
ANITA—"I love your sense of humor -- we should have more of it in the news. We need something to lighten us up."
In response to COLOR CODE CONFUSION, a discussion of our threat alert system:
MARY -- "I always thought the color code was based on Star Trek. Captain Kirk was always shouting, "red alert!"
BILL-- "Of course there's confusion, that's what it's for."
JOE: "I checked out today's color, and found myself clashing in a big way with the orange."
In SEMPER CUTE AND PERKY, I talked about military personnel getting free cosmetic surgery.
LAUREN: "You're a jerk. Plain. Simple. I hate when 'sex changes' are part of jokes/puns/parodies."
ED: "I would like to think that of my daughter at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri wants plastic surgery she can get it. Of course we were not aware before your column over us! Thanks for the tip."
JASON: "Your article seems to be... an attempt to increase enlistment figures for the Armed Services that are having serious trouble attracting and retaining recruits."
In PARENTS, IRAQ, AND WORRY, I spoke about a woman whose stepson is fighting in Iraq. She's against the war, she supports the troops, and she's baffled by some people who think she's unpatriotic.
LARRY: "I am against this war, but I,too, fear reprisals from those who say we are unAmerican or even traitors."
JJ: "Thank you for your good article. I hope he comes back from Iraq and doesn't go back. I also hope that the USA apologizes to the rest of the world for their mistake about Iraq."
SUSIE: "Thank you. Your words describe my feelings exactly. Our leaders have sent our precisous children to an illegal war."
JAMES: "Sorry, Lloyd, but you sir are a complete leftwing jackass. Your article is horrible."
The columns that got the most emails had to with a non-scientific survey I took prior the Republican convention. Many people completed the survey, and some sent in "write-in" answers:
In answer to the question, "How can anyone still be undecided," MICHAEL said, "If you haven't made up your mind you, you have been in a cave for 3 1/2 years."
CHRIS: "This poll had me rolling on the floor laughing. I wish more normal people in this great country would come out of the closet and admit how ridiculous this election year is. It's like watching a bunch of kids yell at each other and not really accomplish anything."
JOHN found "the most confusing thing" about the campaign to be "President Bush's opinions. The President of the United States should not need remedial courses in English as a First Language."
SANDY: "A little levity is welcomed. I'm voting for John Kerry. For 40 years I was registered as a Republican. A month ago I registered as a Democrat. You're never too old to learn!"
DJS...: "No need to take any polls... Bush will easily win."
JOYCE: "I want to know why there is not a huge media fuss because the Kerry campaign is doing everything possible to stifle the Swift boat vets' constitutional right to free speech."
JACK: "Whoever Hollywood tells me to vote for, I'm going the opposite."
NEUB...: "It's about time someone is having fun with this election!!!!"
KEN: "Your article is a very sad attempt to humor."
JOHN: "Let go of your hate. It will destroy you."
PHILIPPA: "Your wit never ceases to amaze me. This column is right on the money."
In RESTING UP FOR THE NEXT OLYMPICS, I talked about how little exercise most of us got while watching the fittest athletes in the world.
GORDON: "I was really on the edge of my recliner when I watched the weightlifting. Darn near spilled my Doritos when those guys lifted a flexing bar carrying more weight than a Toyota over their heads!"
FRED: "My wife and I should have taken our couch with us on our walk last night."
In response to PROFILING NOT THE BEST ANGLE:
STEVEN: "Speaking out against profiling is not logical. We cannot just assume that everyone is equal. We have to go on our experience."
SUBH...: "Excellent job on this article. Very impressive writing. Please keep up the good work."
Well, obviously not everybody would agree with the last reader that I'm doing "good work." However, I will keep it up. And readers like Marie will keep sending me their comments. Hers read, "I think you are full of canal water." At least she didn't criticize my writing.